When man first picked up a stone or used a fist, there was battle. Battle for simple survival, or individual gains. One does not know for certain, only God.
Throughout history there as been much bloodshed, enough to fill the seven seas. Abundantly so, that it would be a feat for Mosses to part Wars red sea.
I speak from the heart, clearly through the madness. I am a spiritual man, who can see past the fogs of war. Through the smoke and hot flames of hate and greed. My soul is like the wind, it is free. My soul is powerful, cool liquid, dampening the flames at my feet.
Have I served in the Military? No!
Have I been in war? Hell yes! For our existence on Earth is an every day war. Just pick your battle, and choose your weapon. Make sure to choose which one and what to use wisely.
My weapon of choice is my hands, I pick up my pen. To shield me from emotional reality's of this War On Our World. The theft of our children's future and the heist of their promise.
I may not have fought in Military war, but my ancestors have. Some right along General George Washington in the Revolutionary War. Many of my people fought against the Yankees in the Dakotas, the Wasichu (White Man) on their Native lands. Soldiers from the North and the South in the Civil War. Both World Wars and Korea. Then Vietnam, Desert Storm, and the Wars of today.
I often wonder how man can justify death, how death is more respected than life? Think about it, man is honored with a funeral, but not in the every day. Spat in the face, but mourned when the heart no longer beats.
The reasons for grievance seems obsolete. The human heart is powerful, but too often in the wrong place.
In my short life, I've watched our great nation stumble into the pits of desperation. Act like sheep and follow fools to the slaughter. I've heard wise advice echo in mind, like a sharp sound in the mountains. Bouncing of the sides and and escaping into the serenity of this world.
"Think before you speak!"
"Think before you act!"
"Treat others how you wish to be treated!"
Simple suggestions and sound advice. My heart has always told ME to LOVE THE EARTH!
When it comes to war, I do not covey cowardice. As I do not condone it's action. I do believe we should defend ourselves against injustice, we should look WRONG in its ugly face.
My heart wishes that we could find other ways to achieve peace. My mind says that we can, if we work together. My soul speaks loudly, it shouts to the world.
It sincerely says, "WAKE UP PEOPLE!" "STAND UP FOR SOMETHING That is TRUE!"
There are other ways than war, to protect our human freedoms. We must find other means, to obtain resolve.
Yes, sometimes Evil slaughters the innocent. It seemingly conquers the bodies of man, but not our spirit. We continue to advance in peaceful technologies and human kindness. Unfortunately world leaders seek financial superiority. They prefer dominance, instead of assistance. They eventually show their true intent, Mankind is poor and fearful, but not stupid.
In the age of media and reality TV, we should shine the light on the darkness. It's purpose should be to inform and assist the world. Not spread fear and promote hatred. It should not just be murder and mayhem, but it mostly is. It's primary message is "buy into this or buy this."
We our smarter than the wizards that pull the strings, cloaked behind greed's curtain.
It is a shame how man decides which genocide to attack, I mean people to defend. It is a travesty when Governments allow people to be dominated, raped and murdered by evil people. It is an awful way to govern, to protect selected people, and merely for national gains.
Where was the world when Rwanda needed it? Where was the world when Darfur needed it? I could go on and on with this point and can name many more places, but will leave that for you. It is never too late to help those in need, so feel free.
For those of you reading in The United States of America, we have injustice too. We live and breath it, if we like it or not! We allow corporations to poison and deprive our children. Allow them to deny good people human decency and a healthy world. How can corporations get away with genocide? How can they continue to steel hard earned money from average people? The answer is MONEY!
This to applies to the world and it is because of our world leaders. When politicians speak of change, it should not just be coins out of deep pockets. It should not be hate blasted miles away, killing civilians by way of rockets.
I want you to know, I criticize the leaders of our "Free World", not you! Let their actions be the monkey on their back.
I do ask you to please open your ears, eyes, and to speak from your heart as well.
Past world leaders and even most historians believe that every war was fought for a greater good. Usually fought for God and people. To ensure peace and prosperity, for Gods children.
Why is it Man hides behind the Creator, when there is human destruction? Why is it that when a catastrophic event occurs, man question s God? We as man have been handed the tools and given opportunities to defend ourselves against some disasters.
How about Hurricane Katrina, was it more God or Man? It is easier to blame the creator, rather than accept we are human. That our world leaders were more responsible. Many of those people did not have to die that day, but chose to stay put. We have the gift of Free Will and deny its purpose, we sometimes fail to know our time.
It is hard to be alive sometimes, to stay focused. There are more wrongs than rights in this beautiful world. It is our job to stay happy and sane.
What would the innocent say if they could still speak? What would your god say, or the Prince of Peace? What do you say about the way life is today? For just one moment, forget what Jesus would do.
What would you do? More importantly, what will you do?
My question to the world is, what do you say about the idea of Peace and Love?
For right and wrong, we continue to hate our enemy, because they hate us. Human nature has many qualities, like an onion. One can slice it with steal and sharp hunger, layer after layer. Discovering burning tears and more layers, it can be bitter and sweet. Eventually reaching its crisp center and finding the heart of the thing . That is when we find or ourselves no longer in the stew we call life.
We will be in a place where peace and love echo in all hearts. A majestic garden we will grow, we will share the land. There will be no silent slaughters by means of separation.
Until that day, we must protect the land of the living dead. We must plant the seeds of life and hope in out children's future. It is our responsibility to lead them to the path of Peace. To feed them the fruit from the gardens of good. To teach them to harvest hope together! Teach them to be a warrior when needed, but a farmer in life.
Together we can sow the seeds of Love.
Thank you for stopping by and listening to this redundant ramble of mine.
Blessed Be
Loren Wesley Ackerman
Monday, July 20, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Price Of War Is More Expensive Than The Ticket Home
The picture on the left is of "Doc Magoo" and he is my father. Donald Ackerman was just a young man when he enlisted. He started in the United States Naval Reserves, but he couldn't be in medical aspect of the service.
He then enlisted in the United States Army and trained to be a Medic. Arrived in Vietnam at the age of eighteen, he was just a kid. He received 3 Bronze Stars, one for valor. Was wounded 3 times and was given 3 purple hearts. He was also awarded a Silver Star by a General Zais. I posses the photograph with the general, I've seen the Medal growing up, now it is lost. He tried to replace it, but the paperwork no longer exist. He still has other medals and recognitions, but says the lives that he saved are more important!
I have had war on my mind for most of my life, but tried to live with peace. The first poem I ever wrote was titled Peace, and I was only 12 years old. I watch and read the news. I can here the complaints of the world and can drown most of them out. It's not that I don't care about most issues, rather I see through the smoke.
This issue is the most important right now, and next year we will bring back this one. That is just political manipulation at its weakest, playing with our emotions. Pitting us against each other, Rich verses Poor. Minority against non minorities, Republicans vs. Democrats! The same old song and dance, somebody saying they care and doing nothing.
Our Leaders find faults in a plan, criticizing rather than working in unity. I think I've made my point on the agenda of our political representatives. Fussing and fighting, blaming and shaming each other. The bottom line is We Our The People and without us, who would they be?
I feel strongly about many issues, but feel that after 911 we should have learned the truth. Why it happened, not just "The terrorists hate our freedom" attitude. Why we could not keep that (Idea) of unity, and the world working together. The real reason we went to war, not countless versions. It varied from our news outlets and political leaders. You have the right to believe what you want, and feel what you wish.
Plain and simple, the truth is the truth! Bush said that history will be in favor of this war and his leadership? I don't deny that Bin Laden was a Bad man or Saddam was evil. I don't doubt that we contributed to building of the "Freedom fighters" or helped Saddam achieve his power. Because we did, but that was when they were our friends. Think what you want about that statement, but people who watched the news in those times know of its truth. I know that September 11, 2001 was tragic! I cried like most of you, watching those people perish. Hearing the news throughout that day. Passing by my shocked coworkers, then the second plane! It was horrific to witness and is difficult to write about today.
I will not go into the details, because most of us will never forget that day. I will write about in the future, but not now.
What I feel compelled to mention is the costs of Afghanistan and Iraq wars. The costs emotionally and economically. The price that our world has paid with blood on the battlefield. Countless civilian lives have been lost in both countries. They have been victims of war, killed by bombs and by Man. The coalition forces and by small army's of their own people. Killed by misguided missiles and by bullets. In both wars there has been torture and lack of humane importance.
We went over to Afghanistan to find Bin laden and stop terrorism. How can you really stop terrorism? Go to war and kill the people we wish to protect? Support our troops, but give them limited resources. Go to Iraq, because Saddam attacked us? Free the the people only to harm them, and put them in harms way.
Just like Desert Storm, we can't leave? Violence has been in those deserts since before our country was born. Before our Freedom was penned on paper. The best we can do now is to really help them. When our troops pulled that statue down, we won the war. And had a banner to prove it!
What was the Bush administration thinking when we went to war. Then enter Iraq again, after the last time. It was to find Osama, it was to avenge our Nations lost. We lost a few thousand on that terrible day. Those people had families that will feel the full effects of 911, but war will not bring them back.
Now we have servicemen and women stuck in a war with no true meaning. I say that because most justifications have changed many times over. When it began, some were already enlisted. They had no choice in the matter, others were heavily Patriotic. True, red white and blue Americans. Defending our freedom from the evildoers, the violent killers.
Helping take down world leaders who were corrupt and did as they pleased. People who made their own laws and kept the country in fear. Fear and injustice, imprisoning who ever disagreed. Charging them as traitors and punishing them, sometimes by death. Regarding women as second class citizens and promoting violence if necessary.
It's ironic that we went there to assist oppressed people and eliminate criminal leaders. People who G.H.W bush, D. Rumsfeld, and DICK Cheney had political relationships with? At one time or another, wined and dined them. Trained the freedom fighters and provided the weapons. Who was once a Freedom fighter?
Then years later a Political nightmare occurs, the 2000 Election. Bush magically defeats Gore, and the world still says Bush won? Yes, with questionable assistance. I'm a political junkie, an watched the Red carpet debates in 2000. Bush said in a response that he wanted to build up the Military and deal with the Middle East. When he said something in those lines, my heart listened. Look what happened months later, he got his wish. Bigger military and back in the Middle East. Because of 911, he was able to do as he pleased. Damn near every stupid plan his party imagined.
I don't wish to discuss conspiracy theories, only the truth. The truth that we felt by common sense and emotions. By simply watching what is said and by our administrations actions. I tried to keep tabs on all the spending, it was too difficult to follow. Where it truly went and how much was approved. Just like with new one, we should always keep our eyes open. No matter the party affiliation, or the person.
I still believe that we should challenge President Obama on all the issues. The economy, Environmental concerns, these wars. I feel that is our duty to do so. We must respect him and give some patience in these matters. After all Bush did get elected a second time! Eight years of corruption and poor direction takes it's toll.
I passionately care about Our planet! Environmentally, but feel that we can persuade President Obama to end the wars. It would be easier to correct and swifter. I know without a planet there would be no life. But we are adding gasoline to the fires of hate, we are spending money we don't have. To keep our troops in harms way, for a war that now has no meaning.
Sending loved ones and children to fight for their survival. To keep their buddies alive, with the risk of causing emotional injury. An even greater risk of bodily injuries and death. And for what reasons? Many years from now, what will the history books teach their children?
Will their children be effected by the war as well? Can the soldiers live a life without memory and torment. Can they accept the reality of wartime actions without a legitimate justification for these wars. I wish their families and their souls a peaceful existence once they return. I will give them my respect and love.
I grew up with a father who was haunted by wartime actions. He tried his best to cope, he tried his best to be "normal". My father awoke afraid by the sound of a helicopter. He demanded we make no sound as we walked in the woods. "If you were in Vietnam, you would be shot!" I could mention more, but won't right now.
My point is that the best of men do the worst of things in battle. To protect themselves and their men. They go as boys and return as wounded men. Some choose to hide it, but the memories are there. The boy is still crying inside and all those around them are affected. I'm proud of my father, and feel blessed to be his son.
Just before he was diagnosed with cancer, he finally got help. He went to Chicago, Illinois to a place. It was a place for Veterans to get better, a place to let it all out. What he told the doctors there, I will never know in full. Part of me wants to know, but most of me doesn't. He always said when I reached a certain age, he would tell me most of it. When that moment arrives, I will listen. After he returned he was different. Different in a good way, he even started a journal.
When he was there he told me that some soldiers from Iraq had many problems too. That he made friends with them and tried to help them cope. It was then I realized that with all war comes injury. Think about all the veterans who now have brain injuries and lost limbs. Post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSS) and other mental pain. We must welcome these troops home and make sure that they know we still support them.
The Vietnam vets had no parade when they returned and were thought as "Baby Killers" and that's a damn shame. I believe that was the real spit in the face. The Vietnam Veterans lost 59,159 fellow soldiers, 1200 Americans reported killed in action. (No bodies) About 1,350 POWs' missing in action. I've met some of his buddies over the last couple years, they are good guys. I consider them my brothers too, we are all family in the struggles of life.
Wikipedia: 3-4 million Vietnamese on both sides perished. 1.5 million to 2 million Laotians and Cambodians died as well. The Vietnam war was a terrible action, it is considered a conflict to some. Wake up and smell the Napalm, it was a war! Growing up I thought it might have taught the United States an important lesson. Not to get involved into a long lasting war that we could not win.
I would like to get back to the discussion in hand. I feel that this war on terror can't be won, just like Vietnam. The longer we stay there, the more damage is done. The war has taken so many lives already. They are scattered and piled so high, we will never know the true number. The casualties are civilians, "the enemy", reporters,contractors, the Coalition Troops, and US soldiers.
Killed by weapons, accidents, illness, and by suicide. They all happened because of war! Because of past political decisions and the need to "Stay the course"
We The People have a new Leader now, so lets stand together. If you feel anything that I feel please join me in this cause! Help me end this WAR on terror! Help me bring our troops home! Let's work together and help President Obama make the CHANGES he promised!
Please let your State Senator know you care! Make your voice be heard on any issue. I'm going to write President Obama a long letter containing my beliefs on the issues that trouble me the most.
Feel free do what you think will help the troops get home. To stop the bloodshed that stains the streets and hearts of all people.
Here is just a few places I found on the computer that pertain to this entry. I started this entry for many reasons and hope you find it informing. When the It first started the Media covered the War on Terror heavily. We even color coded our levels of Terror. Back then we could keep track of our fallen soldiers by number.
If you wanted to know the extent of our losses and civilian deaths, then feel free. Beware the reports don't all match, but this will do for now. The numbers might shock you, like they did me.
iCasualties: Iraq Coalition Casualty Count - Iraqi Deaths
http://rethinkafghanistan.com/
http://www.iraqbodycount.org/
Cost of War on Terror-Homeland Security Market Research
http://www.homelandsecurityresearch.net/2008/05/01/cost
Paul Rieckhoff: More soldiers Lost to Suicide than to Al Qaeda in January:
Iraq Veterans Storm the Hill
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
Thank you for stopping by.
Peace&Love
Wes Ackerman
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Living Daylight
I was going to write the other day, I had some stuff to report? I can't remember much of it this morning, too much on the mind. Between MJ constantly testing me and my imperfect marriage, It's hard to think, let alone write. I love them both with my heart and my soul, that is why my statement is not a complaint. It is the truth about my life, the way it is now. In my youth, I wrote endlessly about everything. It was like breathing, my hands would not stop. My brain could not shut off, my soul swallowed the paper.
It was my canvas to paint a portrait, one that I could place in the walls of my heart. I still feel this inside me, it beats in the chambers of my emotional being. I hope that makes sense, I was trying to keep the flow. But every few seconds, MJ needs something! Lisa will be back from classes soon! I do love the fact that people need me, I'm happy to help. I usually write in the very early morning, when my brain is mush. A time when nobody is awake to stop my flow.
Right now she is testing me, patting me on the back. Grabbing everything that is a NO NO! Smiling her beautiful smile as she does these things. I can't help but smile or laugh at it all. MJ is my daily thought, she is my every second everything. I am her Father, her Mr. MOM. It is a hectic pleasure, a wonderful duty, to watch over her. I will remember these times forever, one day soon she will be grown up.
I will enjoy the good with the bad, the ugly with her beauty. I encourage her to behave, but raising a child is a real test. She taps the keys on this laptop, she stands too close to the Magic box. (TV) Here of late she screams "Wes, Wes, WEEESSSSSS!" I want to say "I'm Dad", but enjoy just being Wes.
I deserve no medal, people have kids all the time. People raise family's often, with more than one child! I can hear those people pulling hair out right now and pretending to use the Bathroom. Knock, knock, "what are you doing?" Nothing I'm going to the bathroom, I will play in a minute! Frantically typing in their modern office, tap, tap, tap. I'm almost done!
I do know that I was thinking about the violence In Iran. I think it is tragic to see the footage of the beatings. Why can't humanity wake up and simply love thy neighbor?
I was feeling the joy for those people who passed, the one's who will now feel no pain. All the human problems will be no more, they will be at peace now. Ed, Farrah, and Mike, so long. Thank you for the lessons you taught us all. Lastly, thank you for your Art! We will miss you! Our love goes out to your families and friends.
I have been catching up with people on Face book, and it feels refreshing. I miss talking to some people, but they already have enough friends. That is why I keep my numbers down here and on facebook. The computer god's created Email, you can at least drop a line. I know I try to, but feel that not everybody does the same. "Treat other people how you want to be treated" that is one my favorite quotes.
Good weather and short time denies good company, this I know from experience. Still, I wish to say hello to all who cares. My heart is always open, feel free to stop by anytime.
The thing about this technology world, with mostly computers and texts. Words don't always convert, like face to face. If you have a question, just ask me what I mean. If I offend you more than compliment you, then please stop following me.
I was going to try to make my blog more news worthy. Help it be more popular, but I write here for me! I write from my heart more than my mind. If I used my brain more, this entry would be scary. Some people faces would melt, your brain would explode from truth. I report the truth and only the truth! There are plenty of people who do that already, that is why I just talk.
Too much most of the time! The subjects of my life matter to me I do enjoy getting up in the morning and spending time with Malayna Jane. Even though she tests me, I love it! Life is a test, one big challenge. Even so, I love it!. I live for it! I enjoy the people who talk to me, the conversation is gold to me.
I will try to write more later.
I thank you all for stopping by, more importantly for taking the time to listen.
May your day be filled with life, may it be touched by love.
Peace&Love
Wes Ackerman
It was my canvas to paint a portrait, one that I could place in the walls of my heart. I still feel this inside me, it beats in the chambers of my emotional being. I hope that makes sense, I was trying to keep the flow. But every few seconds, MJ needs something! Lisa will be back from classes soon! I do love the fact that people need me, I'm happy to help. I usually write in the very early morning, when my brain is mush. A time when nobody is awake to stop my flow.
Right now she is testing me, patting me on the back. Grabbing everything that is a NO NO! Smiling her beautiful smile as she does these things. I can't help but smile or laugh at it all. MJ is my daily thought, she is my every second everything. I am her Father, her Mr. MOM. It is a hectic pleasure, a wonderful duty, to watch over her. I will remember these times forever, one day soon she will be grown up.
I will enjoy the good with the bad, the ugly with her beauty. I encourage her to behave, but raising a child is a real test. She taps the keys on this laptop, she stands too close to the Magic box. (TV) Here of late she screams "Wes, Wes, WEEESSSSSS!" I want to say "I'm Dad", but enjoy just being Wes.
I deserve no medal, people have kids all the time. People raise family's often, with more than one child! I can hear those people pulling hair out right now and pretending to use the Bathroom. Knock, knock, "what are you doing?" Nothing I'm going to the bathroom, I will play in a minute! Frantically typing in their modern office, tap, tap, tap. I'm almost done!
I do know that I was thinking about the violence In Iran. I think it is tragic to see the footage of the beatings. Why can't humanity wake up and simply love thy neighbor?
I was feeling the joy for those people who passed, the one's who will now feel no pain. All the human problems will be no more, they will be at peace now. Ed, Farrah, and Mike, so long. Thank you for the lessons you taught us all. Lastly, thank you for your Art! We will miss you! Our love goes out to your families and friends.
I have been catching up with people on Face book, and it feels refreshing. I miss talking to some people, but they already have enough friends. That is why I keep my numbers down here and on facebook. The computer god's created Email, you can at least drop a line. I know I try to, but feel that not everybody does the same. "Treat other people how you want to be treated" that is one my favorite quotes.
Good weather and short time denies good company, this I know from experience. Still, I wish to say hello to all who cares. My heart is always open, feel free to stop by anytime.
The thing about this technology world, with mostly computers and texts. Words don't always convert, like face to face. If you have a question, just ask me what I mean. If I offend you more than compliment you, then please stop following me.
I was going to try to make my blog more news worthy. Help it be more popular, but I write here for me! I write from my heart more than my mind. If I used my brain more, this entry would be scary. Some people faces would melt, your brain would explode from truth. I report the truth and only the truth! There are plenty of people who do that already, that is why I just talk.
Too much most of the time! The subjects of my life matter to me I do enjoy getting up in the morning and spending time with Malayna Jane. Even though she tests me, I love it! Life is a test, one big challenge. Even so, I love it!. I live for it! I enjoy the people who talk to me, the conversation is gold to me.
I will try to write more later.
I thank you all for stopping by, more importantly for taking the time to listen.
May your day be filled with life, may it be touched by love.
Peace&Love
Wes Ackerman
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Those Aren't Balloons
SUMMER has arrived with a warm smile and burning handshake.
Summer has brought many gifts in countless Summer's of our pasts. From our childhood, when we loved our School breaks. Getting together with family and friend's, to enjoy the moments. I can remember the thrills of a nice cool swimming hole, a pool if you were lucky. When we were kids we had a sprinkler, later a Slip and Slide. The water felt so relieving on the body after a scorching Summer day.
Once when we were kids, when we were very young we had a water balloon fight with the neighborhood kids. We ran out of balloons, so my Brother Don and I told our friends, we had some more at home! We then rushed home went to our Dad's dresser drawer. We found his colored balloons, we ran to the spicket to fill them up. Made our way back for the fight with these long multicolored balloons. We tossed them, the damn things wouldn't break. My Brother, our friends, and I were kept tossing them. NOTHING!
Some time later, one of our friends parents passed by in disbelief. Grabbed their son and left in a hurry. Later on that evening, our parents had called us into the living room. They told us that they needed to talk to us. They weren't mad, they weren't HARD on us, but told us to please stay out of our father's dresser drawers! I was too young to understand what we had done at the time, but know now our Dad could have been a real DICK to us.
It has been one hot Mother lately!
Our Air conditioner does not work, I'm trying to get the Landlord to fix it. I can't reach him, but will deal with problem, one way or another. If I have to fix it myself? It doesn't bother me as much as my wife, I grew up without the luxury. Now that I have traveled a little further in the sands of time, I miss the wonderful cool air. I dread going to the market, any place with the magic cooling contraption. When I finish my tasks in hand, I must drag my keester back o the hot house.
The sweat drips down your face and into your eyes. You know that salty sting that causes your eyes to burn. Have you ever noticed people tend to be more pleasant when comfortable, I must get this problem solved quickly! Thank goodness for ceiling fans, for fans in general. Nuff said!
I cooked on the grill tonight, I cooked some mesquite chicken breasts. I sat in a chair on the deck, and listened to The Band. They are one of my favorite groups, I love most of their songs. I have a 6 disk set, called A Musical History. Five Cd's and a DVD, it came as a book, describing the History of the band. I purchased it last year at FYE, before they closed their doors. I only paid Twenty bucks for it, it was originally over $100. It was a steal, but I was sad to see my store close down. At Least we got quite a few things and bottom dollar prices before that dreadful day.
The Band (If you don't know who they are please check them out!)
We played with MJ and watched SNL this last night. MJ passed out a little earlier than usual, so Lisa and I took advantage of the night. We laid on a cool sheet, with fans on full blast. Held each other tight for a while. I enjoy these times, no kid begging for constant attention. Getting jealous when I simply Hug Mommy.
Don't get me wrong we love our time with MJ, but miss the moments when it was just us sometimes. If we wanted we could lay in bed all day on a weekend, those days have become a different happiness now.
Now we do what we can, when we can. I've noticed that when you have kid, you look over your shoulder like a spy. Always on the lookout for other agents, whats that sound? Was it her? Could she be watching? Is she listening to us right now? Hurry cum quick! (Double OHHH OHHH Seeevvveeeeen!) :)
It's her!
Minnie Me!
We must stop her before she discovers our deed. Ha Ha!
After our catching up, we then watched a BBC show we own called "The Vicar of Dibley" It is a show starring Dawn French, and written by the writer who did "Notting Hill" and "Four Weddings and a Funeral". I like this show better, you have to see it to know what I mean.
Speaking of Weddings, I went to an old friends wedding last weekend. It went well, but we took MJ. I wanted to take her so people could meet her and my wife. It had been TEN years, since I'd seen some of my friends. It was a great ceremony, and it was nice to say hello to everyone. The time went by too quickly! MJ was a handful and my good friends were in the wedding party. I wished I had more time to talk, more time to be me.
LISA AND MALAYNA LOOKED BEAUTIFUL AS EVER!
Like I said it was OK, but a Three and a half year old boy kissed MJ! That's right he kissed my 2 year old daughter on the face. Good thing I didn't see it, Lisa told me about it. I know it's innocent and kind of cute. They hung out most of the wedding, they colored together and what not.
I did bump in to his father later, so I innocently TOLD on him. The boy denied it, but eventually confessed his sins to his father. We joked about it, and discussed our children. Still I couldn't shake that fear parents have about teenage children. I know I have many years to go, before the boy knocks on our front door. I pity the poor fellow, he doesn't know whats coming.
I have thought about it, It could go a few ways. I could put up a front and hope I don't push her into the arms of another? But I could be a good Father, a friend to our daughter. Keep the lines of honesty open, and she will trust me to trust her. HA HA That rarely happens! I promise to be a good father, but will keep my eyes open. I was a nice young man as well, we may be nice but be a boy as well.
I think I will play it out to be his friend, show interest in him. Find out what I need to know, and allow MJ to think I reeeaallllly like him. That way I can still be in good graces with her. When he calls and asks if she is there, "Say no, neither is my wife! If you know what I mean! Why don't you stop by more often?" Ha Ha Maybe that will scare a few of those nice boys away from our front door.
No, I think I will just clean my shotgun while we discuss the dance. Suggest he be a gentleman and bring her home at a descent time. I could sharpen a knife, like my father In Law did for me.
I'm just joking around about the whole idea of her future. I know we will all do just fine.
Back to the wedding, it was not what I wanted it to be. It may not have been the blast from the past that we all would like create. Still I will remember that very special day. I will keep all my friends in my heart and memories.
To Zak and Brandi, may your years be blessed with great happiness!
Yet again, my entry has become very long. So, now I must try to cut this short.
(If anybody has a Summer memory that makes their heart smile, please feel free to share it!)
I want all parents to know that every day is your day, so celebrate it wisely. I know I will try to do the same. I will try to raise my child to be the best person they would like to be.
I also want to wish All Men a Happy Fathers day, even if you have no kid. Because there is at least one person looking up to you right now. Somebody who sees you as a great father figure.
I wish you all a great day today and a kind week. Thank you all for stopping by my place, the door is always open. Even if sometimes I act as if I want to be a hermit. I know your there!
Before I end this entry I would Like to wish My Grandpa Boker a Happy Birthday on this wonderful Sunday.
Happy Fathers Day Dad! I'm glad you were able to fight your way to another Fathers day.
Peace&Love
Wes
Summer has brought many gifts in countless Summer's of our pasts. From our childhood, when we loved our School breaks. Getting together with family and friend's, to enjoy the moments. I can remember the thrills of a nice cool swimming hole, a pool if you were lucky. When we were kids we had a sprinkler, later a Slip and Slide. The water felt so relieving on the body after a scorching Summer day.
Once when we were kids, when we were very young we had a water balloon fight with the neighborhood kids. We ran out of balloons, so my Brother Don and I told our friends, we had some more at home! We then rushed home went to our Dad's dresser drawer. We found his colored balloons, we ran to the spicket to fill them up. Made our way back for the fight with these long multicolored balloons. We tossed them, the damn things wouldn't break. My Brother, our friends, and I were kept tossing them. NOTHING!
Some time later, one of our friends parents passed by in disbelief. Grabbed their son and left in a hurry. Later on that evening, our parents had called us into the living room. They told us that they needed to talk to us. They weren't mad, they weren't HARD on us, but told us to please stay out of our father's dresser drawers! I was too young to understand what we had done at the time, but know now our Dad could have been a real DICK to us.
It has been one hot Mother lately!
Our Air conditioner does not work, I'm trying to get the Landlord to fix it. I can't reach him, but will deal with problem, one way or another. If I have to fix it myself? It doesn't bother me as much as my wife, I grew up without the luxury. Now that I have traveled a little further in the sands of time, I miss the wonderful cool air. I dread going to the market, any place with the magic cooling contraption. When I finish my tasks in hand, I must drag my keester back o the hot house.
The sweat drips down your face and into your eyes. You know that salty sting that causes your eyes to burn. Have you ever noticed people tend to be more pleasant when comfortable, I must get this problem solved quickly! Thank goodness for ceiling fans, for fans in general. Nuff said!
I cooked on the grill tonight, I cooked some mesquite chicken breasts. I sat in a chair on the deck, and listened to The Band. They are one of my favorite groups, I love most of their songs. I have a 6 disk set, called A Musical History. Five Cd's and a DVD, it came as a book, describing the History of the band. I purchased it last year at FYE, before they closed their doors. I only paid Twenty bucks for it, it was originally over $100. It was a steal, but I was sad to see my store close down. At Least we got quite a few things and bottom dollar prices before that dreadful day.
The Band (If you don't know who they are please check them out!)
We played with MJ and watched SNL this last night. MJ passed out a little earlier than usual, so Lisa and I took advantage of the night. We laid on a cool sheet, with fans on full blast. Held each other tight for a while. I enjoy these times, no kid begging for constant attention. Getting jealous when I simply Hug Mommy.
Don't get me wrong we love our time with MJ, but miss the moments when it was just us sometimes. If we wanted we could lay in bed all day on a weekend, those days have become a different happiness now.
Now we do what we can, when we can. I've noticed that when you have kid, you look over your shoulder like a spy. Always on the lookout for other agents, whats that sound? Was it her? Could she be watching? Is she listening to us right now? Hurry cum quick! (Double OHHH OHHH Seeevvveeeeen!) :)
It's her!
Minnie Me!
We must stop her before she discovers our deed. Ha Ha!
After our catching up, we then watched a BBC show we own called "The Vicar of Dibley" It is a show starring Dawn French, and written by the writer who did "Notting Hill" and "Four Weddings and a Funeral". I like this show better, you have to see it to know what I mean.
Speaking of Weddings, I went to an old friends wedding last weekend. It went well, but we took MJ. I wanted to take her so people could meet her and my wife. It had been TEN years, since I'd seen some of my friends. It was a great ceremony, and it was nice to say hello to everyone. The time went by too quickly! MJ was a handful and my good friends were in the wedding party. I wished I had more time to talk, more time to be me.
LISA AND MALAYNA LOOKED BEAUTIFUL AS EVER!
Like I said it was OK, but a Three and a half year old boy kissed MJ! That's right he kissed my 2 year old daughter on the face. Good thing I didn't see it, Lisa told me about it. I know it's innocent and kind of cute. They hung out most of the wedding, they colored together and what not.
I did bump in to his father later, so I innocently TOLD on him. The boy denied it, but eventually confessed his sins to his father. We joked about it, and discussed our children. Still I couldn't shake that fear parents have about teenage children. I know I have many years to go, before the boy knocks on our front door. I pity the poor fellow, he doesn't know whats coming.
I have thought about it, It could go a few ways. I could put up a front and hope I don't push her into the arms of another? But I could be a good Father, a friend to our daughter. Keep the lines of honesty open, and she will trust me to trust her. HA HA That rarely happens! I promise to be a good father, but will keep my eyes open. I was a nice young man as well, we may be nice but be a boy as well.
I think I will play it out to be his friend, show interest in him. Find out what I need to know, and allow MJ to think I reeeaallllly like him. That way I can still be in good graces with her. When he calls and asks if she is there, "Say no, neither is my wife! If you know what I mean! Why don't you stop by more often?" Ha Ha Maybe that will scare a few of those nice boys away from our front door.
No, I think I will just clean my shotgun while we discuss the dance. Suggest he be a gentleman and bring her home at a descent time. I could sharpen a knife, like my father In Law did for me.
I'm just joking around about the whole idea of her future. I know we will all do just fine.
Back to the wedding, it was not what I wanted it to be. It may not have been the blast from the past that we all would like create. Still I will remember that very special day. I will keep all my friends in my heart and memories.
To Zak and Brandi, may your years be blessed with great happiness!
Yet again, my entry has become very long. So, now I must try to cut this short.
(If anybody has a Summer memory that makes their heart smile, please feel free to share it!)
I want all parents to know that every day is your day, so celebrate it wisely. I know I will try to do the same. I will try to raise my child to be the best person they would like to be.
I also want to wish All Men a Happy Fathers day, even if you have no kid. Because there is at least one person looking up to you right now. Somebody who sees you as a great father figure.
I wish you all a great day today and a kind week. Thank you all for stopping by my place, the door is always open. Even if sometimes I act as if I want to be a hermit. I know your there!
Before I end this entry I would Like to wish My Grandpa Boker a Happy Birthday on this wonderful Sunday.
Happy Fathers Day Dad! I'm glad you were able to fight your way to another Fathers day.
Peace&Love
Wes
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I Rant With Ants In My Pants
As I sit here and type, there are ANTS invading our apartment. They travel trough the kitchen, like heavy traffic. A seemingly endless trail, we have tried a commercial poison. With no result, after a couple Ideas off the Magical Internet. HA! Still no results, I will try something new tomorrow? I refuse to bomb the house, or use harsh chemicals!
We have a toddler in the house and an old bird. A morning dove, I've Had since the end of Junior High School. She is a blessing, we have shared many moments of our lives together. I love the sound of a Dove cooing in the house. She has been a great friend in this life, she sings a beautiful song to my heart.
I'm a little conflicted, I can still see "Antie" defending those poor kids shrunken in the backyard. :)
Anyhow, back to the Army of Ants. A bomb would do no good! Too many places to get in the apartment, plus I noticed over the winter no real insulation? I usually don't harm earth's creatures, but now they left me no choice. I will have to pull a Casper Van Dien on their little butts! Minus the poor acting, cheesy effects, and long screaming speeches.
We have been just getting by these days, trying to be a happy family. Cooking on the grill, watching some TV. Going to the park and what not. Making trips to the video store and picking some crappy movies. Lucked out on some good films, like "Last Chance Harvey" if you like Dustin Hoffman, please rent it!
I can't remember them all right now.
We might go to the Rt. 66 Drive In and go see that new Ben Stiller Film, the one with the Smithsonian. The later show will be The new Terminator film, or "Angels and Demons". I'm not sure which one for the second one, but do know MJ will love the first one! :)
I'm getting ready for a wedding Saturday, it's for an old friend. We haven't spoke much over the years, but talked for 3 hours the other day. It will be a good day to celebrate and see some old friend's. Finally a Wedding for once and not another funeral!
We both have many things in common, even a loss of our Older Brothers. His brother and I were good friends, I even spoke at his funeral. He still lives in the town where I had many problems growing up, a small town! A place where everybody knows everything about everybody. A gossip town, a place where my family was branded, therefore me. A place where the Police told me to stay out, so I did.
We can't change our past or our family. I was a fine young man once, then I gave into a false reputation. I became a punk, a person who rebelled against logic. I won't say I was innocent, but never got caught for what I did. Nothing serious, just kids stuff. You could say stupidity was my ruler, I wore a purposeless mask. Deep down I was still a decent human being, born in the wrong time. I lived in the wrong place, a town not worth mentioning.
I do regret not going to see him or his brother all those years. There was a moment, where stupidity was in control and they helped me. As long as I live, I will be forever grateful to them both.
I know I'm rambling about my past and leaving many details out. I do that for my own well being, you see I was young and foolish. What I can say is I loved the Idea of "My Name is Earl" for this very reason. The idea of making it up to the people you did wrong, Fantastic! I sometimes can't sleep because I know I was wrong. I wish I could do the same for those I've mistreated. Especially the one's who have now passed, the people I cared for deeply. One day I will write about these stupid things, one day we will cross paths. Then I can say I'm sorry! I just hope I can forgive myself.
If anybody is interested (MNIE) is now cancelled, but could be picked up on another network?
(The picture of my family and I on the top of this page) the one with my mustache. It was only grown for fun, just goofy humor for my wife. I don't have that (flavor saver )anymore!
FOOD! You perverts!
I know I don't post like I used to or drop lines much either. But, I'm still here. I could write countless entries, I could write one of many poems. Submit many of my short stories, but feel very human right now. Dealing with unexplainable emotions, I write constantly for myself. I feel stingy with my writing, like in my youth.
Like an oyster hiding a pearl. At the same time trapped like the pearl, inside a tight shell. Accumulating pearls for a beautiful necklace, strung together by my soul. One day, I hope to share its beauty with the world. Before it chokes me, or the weight drags me to the bottom of the sea?
These days it's hard to write here at LWIIS, being reminded by entries. Realizing that people must not get me, or care to know Wes the human.
Looking at "Wes Lassos Stork" I don't have the desire to erase it, but feel pain by it. I loved our lost child, I loved feeling the joy of Fatherhood! The trips to the Doctors office, the sonograms. The love my wife and I felt during her pregnancy.
I was born to be a father, this is one thing I'm certain of in my life. I love babies and children! They are the most amazing thing on this earth and I have been blessed for MJ! Malayna is so beautiful, like her mother. Her laugh penetrates all feelings. When I have to get on her, I try to keep a straight face. Even when she misbehaves she can be too damn cute. Sometimes Lisa and I turn our heads to smile at each other. Then work together to teach her well. Being a parent is tougher than most people think. Parents already know this, but people who are young and horny won't!
"Most people can have a kid, but can't always be a parent" I love this quote.
I don't really know where I'm going with this long winded speech about whatever is bouncing in my tired head? I could write about the news, a book I read. Very easily write about how WalMart has become "Big Brother" on censorship. (Specifically Cd's) How there is no real outlet for new musicians at Music stores. Most are closing because of places like Best Buy and WalMart. Yes the computer can be a good source, but how about just walking into a store. (Like how it used to be)
WARNING IF MY FAMILY IS READING THIS ENTRY PLEASE STOP HERE! I"M LOOPY AND MIGHT OFFEND SENSITIVE PEOPLE! Pleas have a great day to you all!
I could write about the TV, on how they brainwash people. Think about it, infomercials, they play on insecurities. From weight, hair loss, acne, even the size of the PENIS. Even if it's large, they could make a weak man think they should buy it. Because: "This could be fun"
They play with peoples minds, "Get Rich Quick" schemes? Sexy talk or text. Matchmaking ads and use the word HAPPINESS for food commercials? I could go on and on and on and on....... But I won't.
Yes I will! As long as you know It's all in good fun.
OK, they want us to keep our hair! Have clean skin and stay thin! Get rich and find real love! Talk dirty on the phone, by texting. Use one hand to type and the other play with Mr. Winkie or Mrs. Pinkie?
Buy decent life insurance, give money to God.
Keep calm! We must stay calm or buy into these miracle cures. Let's see stress can cause baldness, acne, overeating, impotence. The economy brings worry to most, so you better get rich now! Find your soul mate, even though the commercial says women only want Giant wiener's.
If your lonely call a model and text her, if your sad take pills that have several side effects. If your really unhappy, go to a buffet to find "Happiness" stuff yourself. So, then you can buy an exercise machine from the mighty Chuck Norris, or buy weight loss pills.
If you don't, you better have great life insurance. So, your family don't get stuck with the bills.
Don't worry, some of you have donated money to the TV Church. As the man said you have just bought your way into heaven.
As you surf the TV and can't sleep, just take a sleep aid you just saw on the tube. Buy a Fancy Bed, so you can jump on it and not spill a drop of wine on it.
If you can't find much on, turn it to the news. That will really relax you, right?
If you can't handle all this, then turn it to some "Reality Television"
I will stop here, I'm getting more loopy by the second! I could have said more, maybe I will continue this later?
I hope whoever reads this has a wonderful day!
P&L
Wes Ackerman
We have a toddler in the house and an old bird. A morning dove, I've Had since the end of Junior High School. She is a blessing, we have shared many moments of our lives together. I love the sound of a Dove cooing in the house. She has been a great friend in this life, she sings a beautiful song to my heart.
I'm a little conflicted, I can still see "Antie" defending those poor kids shrunken in the backyard. :)
Anyhow, back to the Army of Ants. A bomb would do no good! Too many places to get in the apartment, plus I noticed over the winter no real insulation? I usually don't harm earth's creatures, but now they left me no choice. I will have to pull a Casper Van Dien on their little butts! Minus the poor acting, cheesy effects, and long screaming speeches.
We have been just getting by these days, trying to be a happy family. Cooking on the grill, watching some TV. Going to the park and what not. Making trips to the video store and picking some crappy movies. Lucked out on some good films, like "Last Chance Harvey" if you like Dustin Hoffman, please rent it!
I can't remember them all right now.
We might go to the Rt. 66 Drive In and go see that new Ben Stiller Film, the one with the Smithsonian. The later show will be The new Terminator film, or "Angels and Demons". I'm not sure which one for the second one, but do know MJ will love the first one! :)
I'm getting ready for a wedding Saturday, it's for an old friend. We haven't spoke much over the years, but talked for 3 hours the other day. It will be a good day to celebrate and see some old friend's. Finally a Wedding for once and not another funeral!
We both have many things in common, even a loss of our Older Brothers. His brother and I were good friends, I even spoke at his funeral. He still lives in the town where I had many problems growing up, a small town! A place where everybody knows everything about everybody. A gossip town, a place where my family was branded, therefore me. A place where the Police told me to stay out, so I did.
We can't change our past or our family. I was a fine young man once, then I gave into a false reputation. I became a punk, a person who rebelled against logic. I won't say I was innocent, but never got caught for what I did. Nothing serious, just kids stuff. You could say stupidity was my ruler, I wore a purposeless mask. Deep down I was still a decent human being, born in the wrong time. I lived in the wrong place, a town not worth mentioning.
I do regret not going to see him or his brother all those years. There was a moment, where stupidity was in control and they helped me. As long as I live, I will be forever grateful to them both.
I know I'm rambling about my past and leaving many details out. I do that for my own well being, you see I was young and foolish. What I can say is I loved the Idea of "My Name is Earl" for this very reason. The idea of making it up to the people you did wrong, Fantastic! I sometimes can't sleep because I know I was wrong. I wish I could do the same for those I've mistreated. Especially the one's who have now passed, the people I cared for deeply. One day I will write about these stupid things, one day we will cross paths. Then I can say I'm sorry! I just hope I can forgive myself.
If anybody is interested (MNIE) is now cancelled, but could be picked up on another network?
(The picture of my family and I on the top of this page) the one with my mustache. It was only grown for fun, just goofy humor for my wife. I don't have that (flavor saver )anymore!
FOOD! You perverts!
I know I don't post like I used to or drop lines much either. But, I'm still here. I could write countless entries, I could write one of many poems. Submit many of my short stories, but feel very human right now. Dealing with unexplainable emotions, I write constantly for myself. I feel stingy with my writing, like in my youth.
Like an oyster hiding a pearl. At the same time trapped like the pearl, inside a tight shell. Accumulating pearls for a beautiful necklace, strung together by my soul. One day, I hope to share its beauty with the world. Before it chokes me, or the weight drags me to the bottom of the sea?
These days it's hard to write here at LWIIS, being reminded by entries. Realizing that people must not get me, or care to know Wes the human.
Looking at "Wes Lassos Stork" I don't have the desire to erase it, but feel pain by it. I loved our lost child, I loved feeling the joy of Fatherhood! The trips to the Doctors office, the sonograms. The love my wife and I felt during her pregnancy.
I was born to be a father, this is one thing I'm certain of in my life. I love babies and children! They are the most amazing thing on this earth and I have been blessed for MJ! Malayna is so beautiful, like her mother. Her laugh penetrates all feelings. When I have to get on her, I try to keep a straight face. Even when she misbehaves she can be too damn cute. Sometimes Lisa and I turn our heads to smile at each other. Then work together to teach her well. Being a parent is tougher than most people think. Parents already know this, but people who are young and horny won't!
"Most people can have a kid, but can't always be a parent" I love this quote.
I don't really know where I'm going with this long winded speech about whatever is bouncing in my tired head? I could write about the news, a book I read. Very easily write about how WalMart has become "Big Brother" on censorship. (Specifically Cd's) How there is no real outlet for new musicians at Music stores. Most are closing because of places like Best Buy and WalMart. Yes the computer can be a good source, but how about just walking into a store. (Like how it used to be)
WARNING IF MY FAMILY IS READING THIS ENTRY PLEASE STOP HERE! I"M LOOPY AND MIGHT OFFEND SENSITIVE PEOPLE! Pleas have a great day to you all!
I could write about the TV, on how they brainwash people. Think about it, infomercials, they play on insecurities. From weight, hair loss, acne, even the size of the PENIS. Even if it's large, they could make a weak man think they should buy it. Because: "This could be fun"
They play with peoples minds, "Get Rich Quick" schemes? Sexy talk or text. Matchmaking ads and use the word HAPPINESS for food commercials? I could go on and on and on and on....... But I won't.
Yes I will! As long as you know It's all in good fun.
OK, they want us to keep our hair! Have clean skin and stay thin! Get rich and find real love! Talk dirty on the phone, by texting. Use one hand to type and the other play with Mr. Winkie or Mrs. Pinkie?
Buy decent life insurance, give money to God.
Keep calm! We must stay calm or buy into these miracle cures. Let's see stress can cause baldness, acne, overeating, impotence. The economy brings worry to most, so you better get rich now! Find your soul mate, even though the commercial says women only want Giant wiener's.
If your lonely call a model and text her, if your sad take pills that have several side effects. If your really unhappy, go to a buffet to find "Happiness" stuff yourself. So, then you can buy an exercise machine from the mighty Chuck Norris, or buy weight loss pills.
If you don't, you better have great life insurance. So, your family don't get stuck with the bills.
Don't worry, some of you have donated money to the TV Church. As the man said you have just bought your way into heaven.
As you surf the TV and can't sleep, just take a sleep aid you just saw on the tube. Buy a Fancy Bed, so you can jump on it and not spill a drop of wine on it.
If you can't find much on, turn it to the news. That will really relax you, right?
If you can't handle all this, then turn it to some "Reality Television"
I will stop here, I'm getting more loopy by the second! I could have said more, maybe I will continue this later?
I hope whoever reads this has a wonderful day!
P&L
Wes Ackerman
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Life's Poetry
These days I'm a ghost, I'm a shadow.
I'm here, I'm there.
Obese from emotions, I grow.
I'm nowhere.
One day I wake with smiles.
The next day I'm frozen.
My thoughts walk endless mental miles.
I think about the paths I've chosen.
I know I love my life's chart.
Good fortune has given me a wonderful wife and Daughter!
Happy memories sing to my human heart.
Have you ever asked yourself, why life is like a teeter totter?
In order to remain balanced, we must keep our feet on the ground.
Unless we share life with another, then the weight should be shared.
From a child to an adult, lessons will be found.
It is up to us not to let others down, when lovingly paired.
I believe action is words ruler, it has great measure.
A promise should be kept, for me it's an important belief.
Completing a life task is my souls pleasure.
My hope is after the storm , there will be a peaceful relief.
5/26/09
By Loren Wesley Ackerman
Dear Friends:
I know it has been some time since I posted last, you haven't heard much from me on your sites.
I do check in from time to time and if I missed something in an entry that you've grown from, please drop me a line. I will listen, I will congratulate, I will simply be your friend.
I assure you things are OK, MJ is happy! I will put some more photos of her up soon. Lisa is doing OK and we have been trying to enjoy the spring. I have been cooking out on the grill every night for weeks now. I've cooked every type of meat, with different sauces, spices, and veggies. Running out of ways, if you have any ideas send them my way.
I have been trying to get my life together, be here for my family. Write my book and find a great job! I'm going to take some classes on computers and if things go well, go back to school. Daycare might even be covered as well? I'm just trying to do the best I can with the way life is sometimes.
I will try to stop by all your places very soon! I hope life as been fair for you and yours! My heart is grateful for the wonderful ways you have all touched my soul, for the kind words over the last few months. Please Know that with me, once a friend always a friend.
Peace&Love
Wes Ackerman & Family
I'm here, I'm there.
Obese from emotions, I grow.
I'm nowhere.
One day I wake with smiles.
The next day I'm frozen.
My thoughts walk endless mental miles.
I think about the paths I've chosen.
I know I love my life's chart.
Good fortune has given me a wonderful wife and Daughter!
Happy memories sing to my human heart.
Have you ever asked yourself, why life is like a teeter totter?
In order to remain balanced, we must keep our feet on the ground.
Unless we share life with another, then the weight should be shared.
From a child to an adult, lessons will be found.
It is up to us not to let others down, when lovingly paired.
I believe action is words ruler, it has great measure.
A promise should be kept, for me it's an important belief.
Completing a life task is my souls pleasure.
My hope is after the storm , there will be a peaceful relief.
5/26/09
By Loren Wesley Ackerman
Dear Friends:
I know it has been some time since I posted last, you haven't heard much from me on your sites.
I do check in from time to time and if I missed something in an entry that you've grown from, please drop me a line. I will listen, I will congratulate, I will simply be your friend.
I assure you things are OK, MJ is happy! I will put some more photos of her up soon. Lisa is doing OK and we have been trying to enjoy the spring. I have been cooking out on the grill every night for weeks now. I've cooked every type of meat, with different sauces, spices, and veggies. Running out of ways, if you have any ideas send them my way.
I have been trying to get my life together, be here for my family. Write my book and find a great job! I'm going to take some classes on computers and if things go well, go back to school. Daycare might even be covered as well? I'm just trying to do the best I can with the way life is sometimes.
I will try to stop by all your places very soon! I hope life as been fair for you and yours! My heart is grateful for the wonderful ways you have all touched my soul, for the kind words over the last few months. Please Know that with me, once a friend always a friend.
Peace&Love
Wes Ackerman & Family
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Life's Beautiful
I have been up thinking about my past and all the Ghosts I called friends. Stuck on my own mistakes, if I could of? If I would have? If had done this different?
I was young and too confident that life would go my way, despite the way the needle on my life's compass pointed.
Why am I in this frame of mind anyways? I'm not like this ordinarily, but have struggled with this human flaw throughout my life! It could be because I was a fool in my past, and a unintentional jester in life.
The problem is I'm sometimes the wall to my own success, every now and then I break the wall. Only to find myself surrounded by many walls, boxed in with human emotions.
Sometimes my best effort is like a runner breaking the wall, only to find cool shade to sit and think. To catch my breath, and continue running seemingly nowhere.
Man, even with much purpose can be blinded by confidence, fear and doubt can stop one in their tracks. It is my belief that we must first clearly see our paths, before we can continue the race.
Enough already with my ancient Wes wisdom! I'm 31 years old and still use my words to hide behind, when the truth kicks me in the keaster. I can soup it up, dish it out, but sometimes can't digest reality.
I will be honest, when I write my thoughts they come naturally. Lately I've struggled to complete sentences in conversations with people. Feeling as if I don't have much to say, when in fact my soul never shuts up. My mind never shuts off! My fingers deny me from my blog, my mind is Swiss cheese!
Then my soul screams to let it out, to shout at the world. Only to find that no one is there to listen, yet it screams? Throughout my life there has always been a group of people who cared to listen.
Others that I could listen to and to be of assistance sometimes. Other's so that I could be a gentle clown and to lift their spirits.
For some time now, I've found it difficult to laugh. Sometimes impossible to smile, and make others laugh. Growing up I might have gone out of my way to make people like me. As I matured I realized I enjoyed allowing others to like themselves. I will forever feel a calling to do so, the hard part is helping those you love the most.
With each tap on my computer pad I find it harder to type. I had no desire to enter my own site, but heard my screams whisper to write.
I want to read your entries, to see if life has been kind to you all. To hear about every joyous moment, and every damn detail of the day. To be strong enough to help you when you feel like me.
Being human is complicated as hell most of the time isn't! We must get out of bed no matter what. Even if it is to just go to the bathroom, or force yourself to eat. I feel lucky in life to have a handful of loved one's in my life.
I've discovered this place I call the web, in which sometimes you find friends. You find people who really read your words, no matter if it's fun or even interesting. People who really listen to you speak and sometimes they stop by for a visit. I feel blessed to have the chance to connect with you, no matter if it was a couple times or every time.
I thank you all!
I know my entries can be long and appreciate your curtius patience and warm words. I love the love and your utter honesty!
So, to be honest to my soul I will write what's on my mind.
My wife Lisa and I went to the Hospital today. We had to use our last option, she had to get a D&C. We could not deal through it naturally and the pills didn't work twice. After weeks of waiting and bleeding we had no choice. They thought it could have been a Partial Molar, and so far so good! The surgery went well and she is home tonight. We have been loving Malayna and each other throughout the night. We've discussed the way Life is the way it has been for us and I realized that even though I've handled it well. It is very hard for me to keep trying to comfort Lisa and to keep lying to my heart.
Since we lost lost our forming child, I realized that many people have had gone through this. Many a couple times before they had a child, and that 20 to 25% of parents have miscarriages. That number is pretty high and it makes me think about all the people affected by this. I want to hug them all!
I look and our daughter with pure love and realize how amazing she is. How she is our blessing, our miracle. When we first heard about her the Doctor told us that she may not be in the uterus.
I look at the amazing wife I share life with and know in my soul she is my miracle! Before her I was lost and unloved by a significant other. She entered my life when I was at my hearts emotional lowest.
I had lost my only Brother and Best friend Don, dealing with a grieving family. Being the glue that held our glass house together. I was dumped by my girlfriend at the time and dealing with my parents.
I was the first to Identify the body, so my parents didn't have to! I just turned 21 a month before and then suddenly became th oldest child and only son.
I will never forget the funeral, my parents crying on the floor. My saddened sister and his wife and my 11 month old niece Emily.
The Guy who handed my Brother the keys to the truck, after he had been drinking earlier in the evening. He reached out with his hand to say he was sorry, and I shook it.
I gave a Eulogy that people said was the greatest thing they ever heard! If it was so great then how come I can't remember what I said?
I was a Ball bearer and have been to many funerals. I have been asked to speak at several and sometimes expected. I don't mind helping others cope with death and live to help those in need. If only I could help myself sometimes, the good thing is I DO when it matters most.
I bring this up for many reasons, mainly to remind myself how strength has been stronger than sadness when dealing with death. To acknowledge that my Parents and I now have something more in common, my Mom had one after my Sister was born. My father had two in a previous marriage and lost two other children in a car accident as well. His total of children lost is 6! I love my Father and again bring this up for strength, he is a strong man. I wish we could really talk like we used to, but he is still recovering from his cancer.
My brothers Birthday is May 14 an this the time of the year we went Morel mushroom hunting with my family. Most of the time my Father, brother , and I would find many pounds together.I love it and still go by myself! I have found a few already and will go out tomorrow and get some more for my family. If I'm able I will take Emily this weekend? Still, I think the idea is great. No matter the weather the next few days I will go out, because there is only about a good week left in the season. (depending on the weather?)
If things go well, I will have great entry about it! But my pictures will be on Face book.
Malayna Jane is growing so fast and helps our hearts feel love! We will take her to the park to play this weekend. Maybe go to the Drive In to see a couple movies, just get out and enjoy this beautiful spring.
GO BULLS!
We have been hooked on the NBA Playoffs, like every year! The best part about it is, even though the refs are swine we go to Game Seven tonight! The last game was awesome and the series has been one of the best in years!
I thank you for stopping by and wish you all a wonderful weekend!
Thanks for Listening!
Peace&Love
Wes Ackerman & Family
I was young and too confident that life would go my way, despite the way the needle on my life's compass pointed.
Why am I in this frame of mind anyways? I'm not like this ordinarily, but have struggled with this human flaw throughout my life! It could be because I was a fool in my past, and a unintentional jester in life.
The problem is I'm sometimes the wall to my own success, every now and then I break the wall. Only to find myself surrounded by many walls, boxed in with human emotions.
Sometimes my best effort is like a runner breaking the wall, only to find cool shade to sit and think. To catch my breath, and continue running seemingly nowhere.
Man, even with much purpose can be blinded by confidence, fear and doubt can stop one in their tracks. It is my belief that we must first clearly see our paths, before we can continue the race.
Enough already with my ancient Wes wisdom! I'm 31 years old and still use my words to hide behind, when the truth kicks me in the keaster. I can soup it up, dish it out, but sometimes can't digest reality.
I will be honest, when I write my thoughts they come naturally. Lately I've struggled to complete sentences in conversations with people. Feeling as if I don't have much to say, when in fact my soul never shuts up. My mind never shuts off! My fingers deny me from my blog, my mind is Swiss cheese!
Then my soul screams to let it out, to shout at the world. Only to find that no one is there to listen, yet it screams? Throughout my life there has always been a group of people who cared to listen.
Others that I could listen to and to be of assistance sometimes. Other's so that I could be a gentle clown and to lift their spirits.
For some time now, I've found it difficult to laugh. Sometimes impossible to smile, and make others laugh. Growing up I might have gone out of my way to make people like me. As I matured I realized I enjoyed allowing others to like themselves. I will forever feel a calling to do so, the hard part is helping those you love the most.
With each tap on my computer pad I find it harder to type. I had no desire to enter my own site, but heard my screams whisper to write.
I want to read your entries, to see if life has been kind to you all. To hear about every joyous moment, and every damn detail of the day. To be strong enough to help you when you feel like me.
Being human is complicated as hell most of the time isn't! We must get out of bed no matter what. Even if it is to just go to the bathroom, or force yourself to eat. I feel lucky in life to have a handful of loved one's in my life.
I've discovered this place I call the web, in which sometimes you find friends. You find people who really read your words, no matter if it's fun or even interesting. People who really listen to you speak and sometimes they stop by for a visit. I feel blessed to have the chance to connect with you, no matter if it was a couple times or every time.
I thank you all!
I know my entries can be long and appreciate your curtius patience and warm words. I love the love and your utter honesty!
So, to be honest to my soul I will write what's on my mind.
My wife Lisa and I went to the Hospital today. We had to use our last option, she had to get a D&C. We could not deal through it naturally and the pills didn't work twice. After weeks of waiting and bleeding we had no choice. They thought it could have been a Partial Molar, and so far so good! The surgery went well and she is home tonight. We have been loving Malayna and each other throughout the night. We've discussed the way Life is the way it has been for us and I realized that even though I've handled it well. It is very hard for me to keep trying to comfort Lisa and to keep lying to my heart.
Since we lost lost our forming child, I realized that many people have had gone through this. Many a couple times before they had a child, and that 20 to 25% of parents have miscarriages. That number is pretty high and it makes me think about all the people affected by this. I want to hug them all!
I look and our daughter with pure love and realize how amazing she is. How she is our blessing, our miracle. When we first heard about her the Doctor told us that she may not be in the uterus.
I look at the amazing wife I share life with and know in my soul she is my miracle! Before her I was lost and unloved by a significant other. She entered my life when I was at my hearts emotional lowest.
I had lost my only Brother and Best friend Don, dealing with a grieving family. Being the glue that held our glass house together. I was dumped by my girlfriend at the time and dealing with my parents.
I was the first to Identify the body, so my parents didn't have to! I just turned 21 a month before and then suddenly became th oldest child and only son.
I will never forget the funeral, my parents crying on the floor. My saddened sister and his wife and my 11 month old niece Emily.
The Guy who handed my Brother the keys to the truck, after he had been drinking earlier in the evening. He reached out with his hand to say he was sorry, and I shook it.
I gave a Eulogy that people said was the greatest thing they ever heard! If it was so great then how come I can't remember what I said?
I was a Ball bearer and have been to many funerals. I have been asked to speak at several and sometimes expected. I don't mind helping others cope with death and live to help those in need. If only I could help myself sometimes, the good thing is I DO when it matters most.
I bring this up for many reasons, mainly to remind myself how strength has been stronger than sadness when dealing with death. To acknowledge that my Parents and I now have something more in common, my Mom had one after my Sister was born. My father had two in a previous marriage and lost two other children in a car accident as well. His total of children lost is 6! I love my Father and again bring this up for strength, he is a strong man. I wish we could really talk like we used to, but he is still recovering from his cancer.
My brothers Birthday is May 14 an this the time of the year we went Morel mushroom hunting with my family. Most of the time my Father, brother , and I would find many pounds together.I love it and still go by myself! I have found a few already and will go out tomorrow and get some more for my family. If I'm able I will take Emily this weekend? Still, I think the idea is great. No matter the weather the next few days I will go out, because there is only about a good week left in the season. (depending on the weather?)
If things go well, I will have great entry about it! But my pictures will be on Face book.
Malayna Jane is growing so fast and helps our hearts feel love! We will take her to the park to play this weekend. Maybe go to the Drive In to see a couple movies, just get out and enjoy this beautiful spring.
GO BULLS!
We have been hooked on the NBA Playoffs, like every year! The best part about it is, even though the refs are swine we go to Game Seven tonight! The last game was awesome and the series has been one of the best in years!
I thank you for stopping by and wish you all a wonderful weekend!
Thanks for Listening!
Peace&Love
Wes Ackerman & Family
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