Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Restrained Rant

April 22, 2009 was another calendar Earth Day. Every one that has passed since I was a small child has brought out a desire to express my love for this planet. A beautiful place we share called earth. I try my hardest to stay positive and not to sound too negative, but usually say nothing. Not for fear of being labeled a tree hugger or a liberal piece of trash. I hold back for the fear that humanity truly doesn't care, and that we believe we are the superior species.

Why? Because humanity does feel this way, we talk about the race for a cleaner world by country? Not sincerely working together, not really listening to those who our informed enough in the matters of science. I don't claim to to be a know it all or a scientist. Certainly not a political graph man, nor a dog that will not learn knew tricks.

Over the years I've heard and read about many technology's or Ideas. Many of them are indeed beneficial to our lives, some are naturally cleaner. From certain flowers or weeds, and from our earths natural energies. I watched our political leaders question our EPA and the Obama administration, and felt that they worked against each other. Ripping a new one into the current administration, when most of them sat back and allowed the last one to turn our country into one of the worst leaders in clean energy. Allowed them to destroy many regions by greed and environmental rape.

The last administration had spent countless blank checks, and we still don't know where all the money went?

We spend countless dollars on useless projects and unearned pay raises. I feel on the matter of politicians, they should forfeit their salary's. Especially in our countries economic troubles, I mean have they really earned it? They will still have a great medical package, has anyone else heard people say that Americans should be responsible for our health care. When most families have none? Some of our health issues are due to pollution and intentional poisoning to our water sources. I've heard that the amount of pharmaceuticals leaked are not harmful, but am smart enough to know that babies and children should not be ingesting any amount of these adult medications!

What about cigarette smokers poisoning people by a cigarettes outdoors? When we have smoke stacks and gas hogs pass our crowded streets. But people cringe at cigarette smoke at out door events. I would say this if I never smoked! It has been proven that pollution is a leading cause to asthma and many breathing problems. We have Isotopes that linger in the clouds and certain isomers that spill into our water as well. They thrive in water and cause much ill health. Like I said "I'm not a scientist!" but know that we the humans build broken bridges! We make roads that only lead in one direction, a road to nowhere.

It is not too late, and I still cling to the hope of our children's future. If I accept defeat in this war on our beautiful earth, then I would just give up. Deny our daughter her future, and the Ideas of a promising future. What kind of life would that be for her, and the rest of the living things on this planet. I know in my heart if we the world wait till 2020, or 2050 to change our ways it will be too late. Do I have proof? Who really has proof when it comes to life? I may not know it all, or have all the facts. That's what your fingers and brain is for, we must use these to better understand things. That is what the computer is for, we must allow uneducated people lead the way, I don't mean people who have not been to college. But the people who have and have reached a political career. Been in the loop and should know better.

Why has politics been a tug of war? Why a party divide, I feel strongly that people allow greed to get the way of progress. I'm 31 years old and have been witness to most smokescreens and more important issues? War, disease, drugs, a blow job, and abortion! Thy are all good issues, minus the blow job! If Hillary was OK with it , then we should have moved on to bigger things.

When it comes to abortion, I feel it is a woman's choice, but feel adoption should be the choice in most cases. There are many people who would love to raise a child as their own, but don't have the option. I have had family who did abort the baby, and had I known that was the path, I would have tried my hardest to adopt the baby. As some of you know we just recently lost a child due to a miscarriage, and most likely will be forced to have it removed. Because nature and the pills can't remove all the remains, I can't understand how someone could do it to a healthy baby?

My point on the matter is if people are pro-life, then why can't most believe we need great change. The reality is when it comes to this planet, IT SUPPORTS ALL LIFE! There for all babies, all life!

(I know some of this entry is same old, same old! But I will not apologize for the reappearance)

Watching Republicans and Democrats pit against each other, makes my stomach sick. That is why years ago I chose not to be in a specific party, but support the lesser of two evils. I vote with my heart, brain, and soul! When a person shouts or blames others it only allows the rest of us to see that it easier to point a finger. Rather than do anything about it.

I watched and heard that the green jobs aren't going to create as many jobs that it will take? The truth of the matter is we will loose jobs and the planet if we don't change are ways! The truth is most plants and factories are dirty. There will always be the footprints of man, all over Mother Earth's face. As long as there is a separation of our species, by party and class. Greed and ignorance will rape our children's future.

Maybe we don't have all the facts or the knowledge of God, but for once I feel humanity is DEMANDS CHANGE! WE the people do give damn, and we have an Administration that cares.

We face many big challenges, and I don't deny we need to care about spending! I do care about humanity and it's survival! I do care about jobs and places like Michigan, we need it to build cars. I drive my Chevy Blazer with my favorite Environmental bumper sticker "The Earth does Not belong to us, we belong to the Earth" Chief Seattle

We need to gradually convert are transportation, so poor people like myself can afford a cleaner car. We need to use other methods for paper, instead of trees. We've had the means for over a century! We need to eliminate plastic bags, because when they are recycled it still creates pollution.

I often wonder if we can make a real difference? "Give a hoot, don't pollute" that owl had it half right! It then goes into land fills and poisons the earth! We try to avoid plastic spoons and forks, but then wash our dishes and cloths with detergents. We use water to clean our dishes and our selves, flush our wastes. Then going into the water, and some towns even reuse the waste water to drank.

I've worked for the state of Illinois a couple years ago, and witnessed abuse to the Earth. Toilet water breaks down by means of chemicals, then drain into our rivers. They placed cans for aluminum cans, but not paper. We were told to throw the cans in the dumpsters and that we would be fired if we took them?

We were told to throw our oil dry away in the woods and dumpsters! Oil dry is a product that absorbs the oil from parking lots, and it was the states job to collect it. They never did one time!

The water was toxic and I was told not to inform the public, but I did. I could not sit back and watch a mother mix her babies formula with it. They allowed my bosses to use poisons on state land, which caused some of our hawks to be poisoned. They ate the poisoned wildlife on the grounds. (We all belong to Earth's food chain)

These are a few examples of my great state of Illinois and its love for humanity. After I learned this, is caused me to wonder about other states? Has anyone ever traveled and noticed signs that read?

1. Don't drink the water.

2. Don't eat the fish.

3. Don't swim in this water.

Our fore fathers would be outraged to read these signs, and to know that this great country has helped destroy our natural resources.

In my short life, I've met political leaders. Some good some bad! I have met Robert Kennedy JR. and President Obama. I was honored to be one of a handful at our Town meeting to ask a question to our then State senator. My question was about politicians and our children's future in regards to environmental awareness. I think he answered it the best he could at the time and still wish to persuade all politicians to open their eyes. (I know some of you have been waiting for my Obama Entry, but I must admit it is in a big project that I have been carefully writing)

Talk is cheap, so society needs to work together in these sacrificial economic times! We need to take small steps for man and giant leaps for Earth's kind. We must remember that EVERY DAY IS EVERY DAY! We must try yo preserve Earth's Beauty at all costs and remind our leaders to do the same.

I wish to thank everybody who has left kind regards to my family and I!

We are strong and remain happy as we can be! I wish you all the best and want you to know that our lives have been accompanied by hugs, smiles, and laughs as well! I wish you all to be happy as you can be too! Please be patient, I will be back to reading your journals very soon. You are not forgotten, each and everyone of you have been in my heart!

Thanks for listening!



Sunday, April 12, 2009

A Day That Stood Still

I wish to make this an entry from my aching heart, to convey my emotions right now. Not really certain on how to say it or how to start. For the first time in a long time I write for hope and help. I have always had the ability to help others, but never been consistent with myself. Only by way of writing, and I've held back on many things in the last year. Only a couple people know how much. I've dealt with my father's cancer, and until very recently I cried inside every one of those days. For now he has seemingly won the battle, I'll take it. Good news has always been better than bad news.

I type right now for a healing form of therapy! What I'm about to write, will be one of the toughest things I will ever write! My words will ramble, they will hurt my heart and soul! What I'm about to say stings like hot coals on my heart and flesh. My hope is to take this entry and turn into a beautiful song, that will reach the heavens.

I don't wish to forget our memory, or our life's lesson. I wish to honor the importance, the love for family, and (our unborn) child.

For the last few months we have had the chance to prepare for another child. That statement alone allows me to acknowledge how lucky we are. (Another Child)

I've known many great couples who wish to be parents naturally. To share love and to blessed by a living being, to feel life beat inside of life.

I'm a man who is fertile, who could never feel that joy inside either. To feel the pain that is felt during birth, nor feel the pain of having an unborn child inside me! I never really thought this could happen to us, I knew it could. But never imagined it would happen, I feel really sorry that Lisa has to carry that pain inside her right now! Still I feel the pain and new found emotions. A pain that effects 25% of all women who become pregnant. I feel the emptiness, our lifeless child when I hold and hug her.

One month you see the healthy heart of child beating on a screen. You pick up the sonogram photo countless times and smile with your loved ones. Then your next visit, you take one look and see no movement! No beating heart and the tears of your wife streaming. When just seconds before they were beaming with promise of a new life. Our future was uncertain, now the present is certain, and your heart stops.

The shock blankets your pain, and anger overtakes your joy. Without anybody to be angry at, the shock causes the mind to be in denial. The pain sticks inside like cotton candy in an infected cavity. The Doctor said it "I'm sorry, it's not antibody's fault!" "I'm sorry!" The majority of what was said is a blur. I held my wife's hand as I held MJ, holding back my own tears. I know I wouldn't want the job of the nurses and doctors who deal with things like this there.

MJ and Lisa went to the rest room, as I sit silent in the room. Later on that evening, Lisa told me cried in the restroom. And that MJ said " I love you Mommy, it's OK mommy!" She just turned 2 and doesn't know what is going on. I believe children pick up on emotions and that the soul is wiser than any body. When she told me that, it made us both smile.

I will say that the sadness and bad feelings can blanket the soul like a lingering fog. But sharing this with the one's you love will guide you. (Like a Light House, allowing the ships to come to in) one day?

The sun will shine for brief moments, then here comes the fog again! We will we be OK, we will hold our hands tightly together. I've noticed time is like the clouds, fast and slow. Few and far. With highs and lows.

Life is like the sky as well, Rain or shine. The stars, sun, the moon, they will be here tomorrow. So, we must remain true to our path, and our love. We must be true to our emotions and our family now! Only time will tell.


"We must take care of the living!" I've never understood the true meaning until now. I feel for Lisa, because we had no sign. She carries the burden of our loss around with her literally. Her body grows like it is still pregnant, and I want to be with her. To help her emotionally and in any way I can.
We have three options:
1.Wait and See!
2. Take a pill.
3. Surgery.

Dear Sweet Child:

You arrived by way of love.
Discovered by bloat and a tester.
You grow daily, and change with each beat of your heart.
I've stared at your photograph seemingly forever.
We wait with open arms
We welcome you to our family.
Your soul is sweet and beautiful.
Take all the time you need little bean of a child.
We will wait patiently to hold you and kiss you.
When you see the light of this world,
one thing will always be true.
We will always love you!

I wrote this some time back for our child Maggie or Henry? We will never know! But can tell you we always love them and our thankful for our blessings. That we our saddened by the way life is sometimes. How warm the tears are that spill down my cheeks, and how fear can render the body weak.

That the next chapter in life is uncertain, yet the most important things in my life is certain. I know without doubt I will love Lisa and MJ forever! I know together we will stay on out paths in this life and will be a beautiful family. A family who will grow together no matter our future.

After all the eulogies I have given and caskets I've carried. Life has found another way to teach me what it is worth and to remind me of the equation to life. The answer that some of the greatest minds have tried to solve on their deathbeds. The Answer: Is to simply LIVE!

Since I struggle to find a way to end this entry, perhaps from denial. Maybe I'm struggling to fully except reality? I will say thank you for listening! I would also like to say BLESS YOU TO YOU AND YOU FAMILIES!

Happy Bunny Day!